Corbyn in Pyramid Pledge

Jeremy Corbyn has pledged to kick-start a new pyramid-building programme funded by what has been dubbed “dead people’s” quantative-easing.

“It is scandalous that we in the twenty-first century, the fifth richest economy in the world, are not able to offer working people the decent burial they deserve,” Corbyn announced at a rally in Highgate Cemetery on Sunday. In the face of suggestions this policy is taken straight from the 1983bc manifesto, Corbyn insisted to thunderous applause that, “pyramids can be built in a genuine spirit of cooperation and solidarity in a modern setting.”

Commentators fear a growing strand of anti-semitism in his campaign, with pyramids evoking an epoch of Arabic hegemony over the Hebrews. Not so, a Corbyn spokesman responded. “Pyramid-building traditions are wider than just those based on slave labour. What we’re looking at are South American pyramid-building programmes developed under Evo Morales’s indigenous socialism.”

Senior Labour figures were unimpressed. “This is just another example of childish Labour members expressing a sort of toys-out-of the-pram, spit-out-the-mummy mentality,” complained Chuka Umunna. Andy Burnham refused to condemn the policy, outlining instead his own long-standing vision of an integrated National Health and Care Service from the cradle to beyond the grave – and warned against sneering at ordinary people’s aspirations for a better afterlife.

Meanwhile Boris Johnson, writing in today’s Evening Standard, repeated his old wind-up that any Tory members not yet mummified should sign up to vote, quipping he had always thought Labour stood for “a fairer society, not a Pharoah society”.

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