XX – “I alone am different from the others”

Exterminate learning and there will no longer be worries.

Between yea and nay

How much difference is there?

Between good and evil

How great is the distance?

What others fear

One must also fear.

And wax without having reached the limit.

The multitude are joyous

As if partaking of the t’ai lao offering

Or going up to a terrace in spring.

Like a baby that has not yet learnt to smile,

Listless as though with no home to go back to.

The multitude all have more than enough.

I alone seem to be in want.

My mind is that of the fool – how blank!

Vulgar people are clear.

I alone am drowsy.

Vulgar people are alert.

I alone am muddled.

Calm like the sea;

Like a high wind that never ceases.

The multitude all have a purpose.

I alone am foolish and uncouth.

I alone am different from others

And value being fed by the mother.

The season had left me behind today.

I stood blankly, blinking away from the sun.

The playground on a vicious spring afternoon, caught in the glare.

The children were rampant, now able to climb places too far in autumn.

Their mothers were excited, dressed expectantly for spring, conversing brightly, spring sentiments.

Other fathers seemed present.

Not just running down the clock – I sat and stood and gave occasional mandatory encouragement, very poorly acted.

Things became heavier, walking, standing upright, home seemed a marathon effort away, but it came to an end.

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